A man trying to teach a boy how to be a man, what a wonderful opportunity. A chance to accelerate the learning of both — the love of a child and the love of a father are powerful teachers.
Cultural stereotypes and generational programming provide a limiting, one-dimensional view of the male emotional experience.
Often the man doesn’t yet understand his own emotions, he doesn’t yet know himself. In our culture, the patriarchy runs deep. A man represents strength and the stoic ability to provide for others. He is a warrior who meets the world with a singular emotion: Anger. He is taught that power is the objective, and power comes from winning against others. It is the game he must play in order to be valued. Full spectrum feeling is not allowed, and certainly not meant to be shown to the world. Tears are weakness, and those who shed them are losers in the game of life.
Thankfully, we are beginning to see those values shift as more and more men look to raise conscious sons. As fathers, we have an opportunity to raise healthy and balanced men as our sons. A man that is true to himself shrugs off the stereotypes of society, and his true emotions are no longer tossed aside. He becomes a man who can not only show anger but can also show joy, love, sadness, grief, compassion. This man is human and able to live life to the fullest, experiencing the complete spectrum of the human experience. He is not tied down to the red-tinted window of perception, a one-way view that only allows anger to be seen by the world. This man has risen into his completeness and faces the world in the full glory of his emotions. He experiences those emotions in-depth but does not fall into their depths.
The rare fortunate son is the one who witnesses this glorious oneness and completeness in his own father. For the son always models his own reaction to his emotions based on his father’s example. A father does his son a disservice by hiding his emotions. The child then believes something is wrong with him when his own emotions rear up and boil over. In order to grow into a complete man, the boy must learn to feel, he must not force himself to stop feeling as he believes his Dad does. Instead of closing the door on his emotions, he must prop the door open and experience them in their glorious wonder.
Access to a full range of emotions allow men to live bigger more fulfilling lives.
Emotions are a unique tool in the human experience. They help us learn so much faster. Experience something with powerful emotion and you will never forget it! Our lives will take us so much farther on our own path of learning if we embrace our emotions. They are often the voice of our own shortcomings and can lead us to greatness.
The father is ostensibly the teacher. But the son can also teach the father. Seeing the rawness of emotion in the son will remind the father of the current that runs deep within him. Sometimes that waterway of emotion has been forced deep, deep underground and the landscape of feeling has become a desert within the father — devoid of anything that might cause him to feel. In some that stream has become a raging river, prone to flash floods that wipe the landscape clean. In others, that stream has been nourished and skillfully maintained. The debris is regularly cleared to avoid flash floods. The landscape is verdant and green because the water of emotion has not been pushed underground. Instead, it is observed and cherished, used as a barometer of knowledge – a talisman for health at an emotional level. The landscape of the soul is thriving.
Whether it is the boy or the man – they are learning to let their emotion in. Instead of allowing their emotions to own them, they are observing the feeling that emotion creates and following it to its true source; its true meaning. The emotion is a beacon, lighting the path to what is truly needing to be brought to the surface – illuminating what needs attention and healing. What is standing in the way of growth?
In the end, all Dads want their sons to realize their true potential. The path to get there is through our emotions, with our feelings, not by ignoring them. On that path, sons and fathers will arrive at a place of greater understanding: A greater understanding of each other, of their potential, and of the world.
If you are ready to connect with your emotions as a man, as a father or a son, please reach out, you are not alone.
Schedule a FREE 20-minute phone consulation HERE to chat about how I can support you.
6/26/2016
